The first time was through a plea deal 2 years ago, he somehow managed to finagle a retrial, and so dragged us into court again.
If you are reading this, you either know me directly, or have heard my situation, but let's pretend for a moment you don't.
This whole journey began in 2003.
I had just separated from my husband of 2 years. We were incomparable for several reasons, one of which was the way we dealt with our anger. I had always learned to walk away when you feel your temper rising. He had some abandonment issues which meant he would sometimes neurotically block the door any time an argument began.
The lack of mutual trust between the two of us ended us.
I found myself living on my friend's couch in Ypsilanti, Mi. I had been staying there about a month when I got the news that I would have to move, within a week, have all of my stuff out of the house.
This meant, I needed to find an apartment. This is where the accused comes in.
The accused was, for all intents and purposes, the love of my life and my rescuer.
We found an apartment together, and everything seemed perfect. Soon my daughter was allowed to visit. In 2005 I got pregnant with my and the accused first son, then in 2007 with our second son... In 2007 I headed back to full time work, then all hell broke loose.
My worse nightmare.
As I got enough money, I was able to fix my custody agreement with my ex-husband, so that I could get to see my daughter a lot more of the summer, and every third weekend during the school year. She was 8. He threw a fit about it, and a mediator had to step in. It was ugly and hard fought, but I finally got my wish.
She at first, cried about the proposition of spending all of her time in the summer with her mother, step-father and brothers, but then once she settled in, she seemed pretty ok with it. She got along famously with her younger brothers, and would help out around the house before I or my husband would wake in the mornings. We were a pretty happy family.
When the spring of 2009 came along, I was super excited to be picking my daughter up for the entire summer. I had planned on putting her into a few summer camps, and spending time with this awesome young lady.
When I called my ex, however, I had a bit of pause. He wasn't answering my phone calls. He's the sort that even if he can't answer you right away, will call back the first possible second he was available. and here it had been 3 days and I still hadn't heard anything.
Finally, he called back and left a message. Saying "you'll have to talk to your CPS agent."
First, I didn't really know what a CPS agent was, then I remembered back to when I used to live with him and his parents would threaten to call CPS if I didn't get the dishes done.
So, I called my lawyer, who did some research.... He called back some time later to say (1) a CPS case was pending and (2) a Criminal case was right on it's tail.
Now put yourself in my position for a second. My daughter had been manipulated the previous summer in regards to parenting time with me, and almost didn't come out because my ex was crying and carrying on about it. Previous to that his parents constantly threatened CPS action against me. I did what any normal, sane logical person would do and assumed it was some last ditch ploy to keep his daughter for the summer.
3 weeks passed, after I had to kick the accused out to live with his parents. I finally get my call from an agent, asking me to come in for "questioning".
"Questioning"
I spoke to Linda Turbin, a CPS agent in Washtenaw county. She stated that she was doing a courtesy investigation for CPS in Kent county, where my daughter was living at the time.
(CPS law states that jurisdiction is where the child is found, not where the crime is committed.)
The questioning session lasted 3 hours, where Linda browbeat me into "believing" what was being said. She said it was clear from the evidence that my daughter had been molested and that it was at the hand of her Step-father.
Well after I was finally released, I had my mother drive over to my in laws house to pick up my children. (My children routinely went there for child care, because my former Brother in Law was an excellent caregiver, and still is, as far as I am aware.)
I explained to my former mother in law what I had been told. I explained what I was now lead to "believe" and she just covered her mouth, gasped and said it couldn't possibly be true.
I then decided that of course, she has known her son a lot longer than I have, so she would know best. I mean, after all she knew he was bi and gender fluid without him telling her, why wouldn't she know if he was a pedophile or not?
The investigation stagnated at this point, except for my weekly call from Linda, telling me I was a liar. It became so clique, I asked my manager to log out of my phone so that I could take my weekly liar call on my cell.
Then, I received one more call from the agent in Kent County saying "We are going to take your children from your husband, and if you aren't careful, you as well, just you wait and see Danielle."
I said "well considering that neither one of us have done anything wrong, and no one from your agency has spoken to my husband yet, that'll be an interesting feat." I then hung up on him. I spoke to my lawyer next who said "he had no business calling you, he doesn't have juristiction. I have no idea why he was actually calling you."
The calls stopped after that.
And it got very very quiet.
I couldn't let my husband come back home though. We had nightly web cam calls over yahoo... which faded to weekly, then faded to nothing at all. at first, it was great, we played dominoes and talked about our days at work. Then, he stopped calling, or being available when I called.
And I still had these 2 little boys to take care of. Feeling like my marriage was failing at this point, in July, I asked my husband to take time off of work so that we could go up north together. The boys couldn't come because CPS still hadn't concluded their investigation at that point, (as far as we knew, it'd been REALLY quiet on that front.)
We went up to Taquaminion falls, we had a wonderful time hanging out with one another and causing trouble. You know, coming back to a hotel with sand in our shoes and on our clothes.
We returned home, and in August I received a call from a new CPS agent, Danielle Dale, stating that the case had been reopened and they were attempting to terminate my husband's rights to my sons.
We had weekly visits with CPS agents, making sure I was managing on my own with the boys. Danielle Dale conducted the first few visits, and agreed that this whole business was unnecessary. Then Gregory Pordon was our agent for a few months, then finally Anjantta Cates. I was pregnant throughout these visits, but didn't know until I was 7 months along. I asked my lawyer if I should tell them. He said no. He said "if they can't tell by now, they certainly have no business being in this business." But Greg couldn't tell. I always wore my maternity jeans and a huge baggy t-shirt, which was my normal uniform, sans the maternity jeans, so he couldn't tell a difference.
Anjantta's first visit was scheduled for May 21st at 9:30am.
Guess when I went into labor? Oh, also, as a rule I have children at home with midwives. Yeah.
My husband and my midwives were with me when we heard the buzzer. I was panicking. It took the midwives about 3 hours to calm me after that, and soon after that, Thomas was born. My husband tried to go into work right after the birth had occurred because his boss called him.
I later called Anjantta to explain what had happened. She congratulated me, and was by far one of the kindest souls I had ever met to that point.
My husband went back to his parents house after that, and soon, I had four children I was in charge of.
I did pretty ok for a single mom of four I think. I had my daughter to help me, and my other two children were old enough to understand they just had to be a little bit patient with Mom.
Everything was resolved in 2010. My husband was found by "A preponderance of evidence" that he had abused my daughter. BUT the only stipulation was that he was never to be alone in a room with my daughter, and if my daughter was going to bed before he was, she was to lock her door. CPS found this sufficient, I found this sufficient. My husband was allowed to return home.
Mistaken
Soon after he had returned home, I realized what the time at his parents had done. Made him not understand what needed to be done in regards to the children. He spent much of his time avoiding conversation, avoiding household tasks, and generally avoiding anything but sex and sleep.
I soon felt as though I had made an error, but hey, this was my husband, right? Through thick and thin. Sickness and in health; that old glorious chestnut.
He had gotten quite sick, too. He'd lost a bunch of weight and was generally having a lot of seizures. He was barely functional, and was less helpful than my daughter.
We went on this way until 2013.
My daughter pulled me aside one day tentatively and said "Mom, he snuck into my room and touched my butt."
I heard the record scratch.
I suggested she and I go out for a drive, we took my sons over to my inlaws home, and she and I went for a drive.
And she told me. She didn't tell me EVERYTHING that had happened, but told me she was afraid it was starting again. We had left my husband with the kids at his parents. I instructed his family and he that he would be staying there for the duration of that summer.
He argued fiercely with my decision, but I refused to bring him home, except on my days off to visit my kids. I told him this was not only for my daughter's protection but for his own protection.
A few days later while preparing for a bike ride, I saw initials carved into her leg. Cutting. Shit.
I knew what that meant and felt completely justified in my decisions. Scared, but justified.
I called her father who attempted to take it out on her. I told him she needed therapy and that we were going to work together to make sure it happened. My husband got sick when he saw it, and his eyes spoke of guilt and sadness. He was speechless the rest of the day, and my husband was not one to be speechless EVER, even if you wanted him to be.
I then started planning a family vacation, one big last one, with his Mom and Brother, and the boys, my husband and my daughter.
We went camping up in Mackinaw City.
Boys in one tent, girls in the other. I even let my daughter bring her friend along.
We had a fantastic time, even though it was every penny we had ever saved, and also a lot of credit card debt. I didn't care.
July 31st 2013
A friend of mine had just lost her sister in law, so she and I agreed on my day off to get together for dinner. I figured I would bring my daughter, but I would keep my husband and sons home since my friend was grieving, the boys wouldn't understand and my husband had a nasty tendency of sticking his foot in his mouth.
But my husband wouldn't let up, he wanted all of us to go. I really REALLY didn't. I got a hold of my best friend at the time and asked her if she would come and keep my husband company, but "make it seem like she wanted to spend the time with him." so that he wouldn't complain.
I felt bad being deceptive, but I strongly felt this was not the place for him.
We went to dinner and had a lovely dinner. My friend came back to my house with me, when my best friend got angry and said she needed to go home. My husband was asleep on the couch and the children were still running around the house as though they and it were on fire.
My husband, daughter and I got my kids to bed, and to sleep. I then told my daughter I was taking my husband back home to his parents and asked her to hold down the fort. At this time she was 13 and so said "sure!" because she knew it meant I would give her some cash for it.
As I took my husband home, I noticed he was taking an awful long time picking the music. When I realized he wasn't, he was looking over my texts which is something he NEVER did. I was upset because he didn't ask, not because he looked texts over. I didn't mind that.
I had recently had a period of time where my best friend had gone through my phone and gotten very mad at me because of texts I sent to others, so I was super on edge about it.
He was very angry to find out that Meg hadn't wanted to spend time with him, but was simply a husby-sitter while I was out with my friend.
He slammed the door in my face while saying "how dare I want to spend time with MY WIFE!"
it didn't endear me to him, let's put it that way.
When I got home, I ran inside to see how the children were, fast asleep, save for my daughter still typing away at her computer and video chatting with a friend.
I told her I was going out side to have a cigarette and make a phone call, and if she needed me to either call me or come outside to the car port to get me.
She agreed she would.
I then called my husband, we hung up on each other a few times, other times our cell phones lost service.
But then, once we had a decent connection I asked him some questions.
"Well, it's clear you don't trust me anymore..." I began "and I haven't been able to trust you for a while either, there is something bothering me." and I explained how my daughter had been cutting and claiming all kinds of things about him. Always him, always insistent.
Then I mentioned "I remember when we first moved in together, in with your underwear was a pair of little girl's underwear that wouldn't fit my daughter at that point, then the fact I caught you on Yahoo talking to an underaged girl when I picked you up from work that one time..."
"Yes?" he asked.
I said "What would you think if you were me?"
he paused.
"I don't know what you want me to say..." he said
"I want you to be honest, and tell me the truth, what would you think?"
"That I was a pedophile." he answered plainly
I said then, "Later when I catch you looking at porn on your computer, and it involves incest and barely legal, or sometimes not so legal girls..."
"Yes?"
I took a deep breath, and got calmer than I have ever been before.
"I need you to tell me what happened."
"I don't know what you want me to say" he said again.
"The Truth. I promise I won't tell the authorities or your parents." I said
And then, he took a breath and asked me "What did the CPS case in 2009 say.
and I explained, "that you fondled her, fingered her, made her touch your bulge and kiss it, and that you promised to marry her."
"Well... I never promised I'd marry her..."
I felt my throat close up. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I couldn't breathe, but I forced myself to.
I will spare you the details of that horrible conversation. It lives on and rings in my ears anytime it is quiet. I get to live with the trauma of what he admitted to.
As the conversation ended, I said "well, I imagine you'll sleep a little better now that you've let that out." Feeling sick but knowing that I had to keep up the calm.
"Better? You think I feel better?"
"Well at least it's out now." I replied.
"The only thing, the only thing that would remotely make this ok is if when she turns 16, she and I were to have a consensual relationship, then it wouldn't be me forcing her." Adding "I just wanted her and I to have what you and I used to have."
I then informed him he would never see her again, and all of us would be getting into therapy. I then went in and apologized to my daughter and held her tight. I then called my best friend and told her what had happened.
The Power of Rainbows.
The next day, I awoke late. My in-laws came and picked my sons up, and I took my daughter to her friend's house.
A little while later, I went to pick up my husband.
He looked a bit rough, and had just woken up when I got there at about 4pm.
I then sat out on the front lawn with him for about an hour saying how important it was that he tell his parents what he had told me, because I promised I wouldn't tell them and I didn't want to violate his trust.
He vehemently refused. It was then my best friend called saying we needed to talk.
I told my husband we were taking a ride with my best friend and her boyfriend; a friend of mine from high school, to discuss what we had discussed the previous night.
As we approached my friend's house, we saw a beautiful rainbow, which was always my sign everything would eventually be ok.
We drove south. Much of the way with me yelling, and my friend saying that my husband needed to turn himself in.
My friend from high school noticed we were running low on fuel and so we stopped in Sylvania, OH.
It was Thursday, so I had just been paid and I was able to fuel the car without thinking about it. I remembered thinking how nice it was to be able to fuel my car without fear of not having enough money.
Then, I decided I needed a cigarette. The car was full of fuel and my husband sat inside, brooding. My keys were in the ignition. I grabbed my cigarettes and went over to a lawn about 100 feet away.
Then my husband drove off in my car.
I called the cops and they sent 3 cars. The next thing I knew, the cops had instructed my husband I would be signing him up for "services" the next day, and that we were free to go.
They had instructed me a bit differently however.
They said he needed to be brought in for questioning, and called up to Pittsfield township where we lived. Pittsfield agreed to send a car down to exit 1 and meet me there.
We nearly didn't meet, I parked at the wrong truck stop.
They took my husband away in handcuffs.
The last text I received from him? "You knew they were coming, didn't you?"
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