Another Private Blog Post about Centrifuges.

Nothing had turned out as I planned.
I had planned a life with my just out of high school sweetheart in 1999.  My happily ever after, the way I imagined it, would result in a train trip to the Pacific Northwest, never having to explain what I meant, loving and laughter...
Then he threw me across the room while I was 8 months pregnant with our daughter for not adding meat to the spaghetti sauce.  We did travel a tiny bit, but we mostly just fought when he'd ask me to explain why I had taken a particular turn on a particular road.  Then, (regardless of how much the turn made sense,) he would call me stupid.  When I told his friends, most figured I was lying about all of it.

Then, I left and was taken in by two of my girlfriends, then kicked out a month later when they wanted their couch back.
I found an apartment with a male friend of my ex-husband's.  A man I had gone on one date within a casual, friendly sort of way.  We were to have a roommate, but she decided she did not want to "betray my ex" in such away.
Then, my happily ever after emerged as dreams of getting my Associate's degree, then moving on to Northwestern in Chicago.
Then just settling down with our family and friends nearby, then eventually just our families.
Then those dreams slowly dissolved, and I had to admit to defeat again.

Then my dream became, living my own happily ever after all by myself, where ever the wind dropped me, sprouting wings, meeting strange people in clubs and having questionable relations with them in cars and bathrooms because I was afraid to pick up a dildo at a sex store.
That then became moving to North Carolina, where I knew no one but the weather was better, and I was within a 4-hour drive of my father's home.

Then when I was rejected for such social interaction, when going to a steampunk gig my brother was throwing, I met a sweet man named Steven.
Now, my dreams of happily ever after are a lot vaguer, just "make it to next week, make it till our children are grown up." We dreamed of moving to Paris until he found out I dislike France.  (I've never been there, I just remember my Dad going there while I was graduating from high school and being bitter about it.)
I occasionally get a dream in my head.  I occasionally think of some happily ever afterthought, but our lives are not this, they are survival.  We found each other that we may survive.
And that's the best we can really hope for.